A Life Hangs By A Thread

For the past 36 hours or so, I have felt a darkness. The realization of this darkness is not only emotional, but it is also a physical place. I think Leonard Cohen said it best. "It’s not a cry you can hear at night. It’s not somebody who has seen the light. It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah."

Today a life hangs by a thread in ICU at Doctor's Hospital in Modesto. This life arrived at Doctor's Medical Center in the wee hours of the morning yesterday as a Jane Doe. Jane Doe has a name. I know her. I know much more about her and her way of life than I could ever hope to learn from a book. She has a name. My darkness is somehow inextricably looped into her life and ultimately her darkness. Her young life had lots of promise. Her adult life has had little promise and little hope.

In November of 2007, I wrote The Plight of the Homeless, Linda's story of trying to navigate the government system for her basic sustenance. Then Linda was homeless, had no income and no medical coverage. After many, many months of working with our government programs, Linda had welfare income of $850 a month and medical coverage provided by the state. She was living in a very plight stricken area of town. We paid her rent for her out her money, took her grocery shopping and took her medication to her. Thru the past couple of years, she had a phone, then she didn't have a phone. Her electricity was on, then it was turned off. Her water was on, then it was turned off. Slowly but surely, her family helped her overcome her obstacles and she lived with electricity and water. Her son got out of jail and returned home. He is now back in prison for domestic abuse, resisting arrest and parole violations. He was out just long enough to father Linda's only grandchild.

Navigating the government programs was a feat in itself. Learning about another way a life, so different from everything I have ever known was frightening. I learned the important things first, never to wear red or blue - the local gang colors - when I went over there. I also learned never to carry any more than a few dollars with me so when I was asked for money, that's really all I had. If you must walk thru a group of people, keep your head down, be polite, but don't draw attention. I learned to not notice the dogs. They run loose everywhere. Mostly Pit Bulls and Chihuahuas. I learned two minute collect calls from a pay phone 4 miles away can cost $15 - $20. I learned how inmates get bartering goods in the California Penal System. I learned to notice when Linda was sleeping in the middle of the day, or when she was frantically, spastically cleaning the hovel that she called home. I learned there were times she was so low all she could do was cry, and other times all she could do was talk at about 100 miles per hour. Linda was a meth addict.

The call from Linda's live-in boyfriend came about 6:30AM yesterday morning. He was a bit frantic and stated that Linda had gone into convulsions sometime during the night. He thought she was dead. He had tried to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on her and called 911. He did not go with her to the hospital in the ambulance. Someone came by later and told him Linda was dead. Then later, someone else came by and said she was still alive. He wanted to know if we could find out what was going on with her. The Colonel called both local hospitals and was told she wasn't there. Then the Emergency Room's in these hospitals were called. Finally, we found "Jane Doe" by using the ambulance dispatch address. The hospital would not give out any information over the phone. The Colonel packed up all of the needed info and went to the hospital.

Linda is in Intensive Care. She had a heart attack big enough to stop the flow of oxygen to her brain. No one knows how long she went without oxygen. She is on a ventilator. She is showing no signs of responding to any stimuli. She tested positive for methamphetime and marijuana. Her Doctor's say they don't know if she will recover. They won't know about brain damage until she can wake up or show some sign of response. Today, the decision will be made to remove life support.

Linda is 53. Several years older than I am. Growing up, she took ballet and had horses. She didn't want for anything that wasn't readily made available for her. Somewhere about 25 years ago, her life took a dreadful, hopeless turn when she met methamphetamine. She has been in rehab at least twice. She has stolen so much from her family that no one really wants to have anything to do with her. We were her last hope, the last people who physically made sure she had the basic necessities of life, but we couldn't bridge the darkness of her addiction. She could have done, could have been so much more.

Since yesterday morning, this song has been in my head. I fueled that by listening to every version I could find. This one made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Linda's life was "a cold and broken Hallelujah." I am a bit broken by all of this.

Hallelujah - KD Lang

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Dear Mom,
As I sit to type this to you on Mother's Day, you are gently snoring. You have 20 staples and 10 stitches closing the incision in the side of your head. It's been a rough couple of years for you, culminating this past week with surgery to close the hole in your skull which has been leaking cerebral fluid.

I am so proud of you for so many reasons. You gave Steve and I such a great start in life. You always kept us on the right path. You have always been there for both of us. You wiped away our tears. Encouraged us when we needed it. Shared the joys of our victories and triumphs and picked us up and dusted us off when we needed help.

I do not remember a time when neighbors or friends did not bring you things to be fixed. Toasters, microwaves, vacuum cleaners. You could always repair anything. When you and Dad built your house, you wired it for electricity. You wouldn't even take credit for it. When the County Inspector came to inspect the wiring, he told you it was the neatest electric box wiring he had ever seen. He wanted to know which electrician did the work. You told him Dad did it. Dad did pull the wire, but you installed every light switch and outlet, and wired the box on the wall in the garage. I think you even kept one set of a washer and a dryer running for almost 30 years! You were so mechanically minded. When I got you your first computer, you went on-line and took computer courses because you wanted to know how it worked. Many, many people your age would have never even tried to use a computer, yet you not only use it, you wanted to figure it out. I am proud to say I get some of that from you, but I'm no where near as good as you are at it.

For many years, you were the best friend and taxi driver for many of the elderly in our community. You took them to their doctor appointments or to the grocery store, or drug store or wherever they needed or wanted to go. As the years went by, you attended their funerals as each one passed away.

After you were 50 years-old, you decided you needed to do something else. You passed the Commercial Driving Test and became a school bus driver, a feat most would never attempt at a younger age. Last year, in failing health, you retired. I don't think you wanted to, but I think you knew you couldn't be responsible for yourself and your children in the shape you were in at that time.

You LOVE your family - Dad, me, Steve & Pam and Payton & Scott. You love your brothers and sisters, their families and your extended family. If you were able, there was never a time when you would not help any of us if we needed your help. You loved your parents. Having already lost your Dad, my heart broke in pieces for you when we buried your Mom. I wondered then as I wonder now, one day, how will I ever be able to live without you?

On April 13, you turned 70-years young. You had been sick for so long already. Things were going to get better though, we had a surgery date and a plan to get you well.

On May 3, you had surgery. It was major brain surgery. Your neurologist said "I can fix it." He opened your skull, reset your brain in the proper position and closed a hole in your skull. You've had a rough few days. Since surgery, you've had trouble knowing where you were or what has happened to you. They released you from the hospital early to get you back home to familiar surroundings. Although it seems like slow progress, you are getting better. You are going to be healthy again, very soon and once again, I'll probably have trouble keeping up with you.

I want you to know, as I watch you sleep, words will never, ever be enough to tell you how much I love you. I love you so much. You will always be my hero and the strongest woman I have ever met in my life. You are simply incredible!

Because of what you have been through, this Mother's Day may not be the best you have ever had, or will have, but you are the best Mom a daughter could ever have, year after year.

I love you Mom. Words will never be enough to tell you how much!

Dear Oprah Winfrey - Re: Michael Vick

Dear Ms. Winfrey,
I have watched your show for many years. I subscribe to your Oprah website. I have spent many hours in recent weeks watching your new OWN Network. I am one of your millions of fans. I am also a fan you have never heard from . . . until now.

I watched your interview with Piers Morgan. I saw the bet made with Piers about who could interview Michael Vick first. When I saw it, I remember thinking Oprah won't interview him, how can he have any redeeming, edifying values for the "Live Your Best Life" Oprah Winfrey Show. I was wrong. I cannot imagine why you would want to give Vick another public forum.

To completely understand this letter please read "The Lost Dogs" By Jim Gorant before you interview Vick. It is not an easy read and at times will shock you, make you cry and want to hold your dogs even closer. Vick is a convicted felon but he never spent one day in jail as punishment for the cruelty he committed by his own hands to his dogs. He was convicted of federal dog fighting charges, not of animal cruelty. The DA in Surrey County, VA would not bring charges against one of his county's most "favored" sons, so the federal authorities brought what charges they could against Vick.

Please don't get me wrong, I believe in forgiveness, redemption and second chances. Playing in the NFL is not a right, it is a privilege. He should have been banned from the NFL for life. He can have his second chance somewhere else, anywhere else, but not where he can be looked up to as a hero by our nation's children. "Look what Vick did and look where he is now. We can get away with it too."

Like you, many of your fans are dog lovers. Your target audience is not the same as ESPN's or the NFL Network's audience. You have the power to ask the hard questions Michael Vick has never answered. You have the power to hold him accountable for the deeds he committed.

Please ask him if he knows how any of "his" dogs are doing? How often he checks on them? Ask him if he has made any donations to their care except for the court-mandated amount? Ask him if he used his family pets as bait dogs for his fighting dogs and laughed as they were torn apart in the fighting ring. Ask him how much he or the Eagles have "donated" to the Humane Society - U.S. to help him with his PR? Ask him about the canine "rape-machine" found on his property? Ask him what he was thinking as he and one of his thugs were swinging a dog over their heads like a jump rope and slamming it into the ground, and when it moved, or whined, they picked it up and did it again, over and over, until they were sure the dog was dead? Ask him why he thinks he should ever be allowed to have another dog?

Several of the sports writing bloggers have already written because of your power and influence this interview could literally make or break Michael Vick. Their advice to him is for him to talk about football and not the dogs, the crimes committed against them or wanting another dog. I don't think his handlers will allow you to ask him the hard questions. If you can't ask him the hard questions, you shouldn't interview him. Your fans don't want to hear about his football successes. They want to know what he has done to truly redeem himself. Court-mandated public service, funds and jail time is not true remorse for his actions.

Several of the Vick dogs are real success stories. Many of these dogs still struggle. Any of the people or organizations who have worked with these dogs would like the opportunity to appear on your show. There are redeeming "Live Your Best Life" stories in how some of these dogs have overcome their PITiful beginnings at Bad Newz Kennels.

Many of your dog-loving fans have already given up on your show because of the decision to interview Vick. Because I have been watching a long time, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Whether or not I will be a fan after this show is entirely up to you and how the interview with Michel Vick is handled. I am hoping you ask the hard questions and get honest answers. Michael Vick has gotten off way too easy for the crimes he committed.

Sincerely,
P. D. Frazier

(Sent by e-mail to the Oprah Winfrey Show February 16, 2010)

New Blog: Mr. Buddy Rose - Lovin' Life ~ Staffie Style

Great news! Mr. Buddy Rose - American Staffordshire Terrier has his own blog, Mr. Buddy Rose, Lovin' Life ~ Staffie Style! Here's the link: http://www.mrbuddyrose.blogspot.com/.

His new blog will be quite a bit different from this one. He'll use a lot of pictures and a lot less words to tell of his adventures from his point of view.

Mr. Rose is happy and healthy! He is at least as healthy as he has ever been since we first took him out of that nasty, filthy yard in May, when he couldn't walk. He has once again been off of the Prednisone for more than two weeks. Continuing to write this blog about his health, when he really is Lovin' Life seemed a bit futile. He's such a great, loving, goofy dog!

I hope you will continue to follow his life and adventures at his new space!

Thanks to all of you for following Mr. Buddy Rose. We thank you for your prayers, your concern and for loving a neglected, abused big ole' spot-headed Pit Bull! If Mr. Rose could meet each of you in person, he would show his thanks to you by giving you all big dog kisses!

Mr. Buddy Rose - American Staffordshire Terrier Part XX

(Parts I-XIX of Buddy's story are posted below. If you would like to read them in chronological order, please scroll down. You may need to click "Older Posts" at the bottom of this page. Thanks for reading the story of the remarkable Mr. Buddy Rose.)

Thursday, October 21, 2010
Mr. Buddy Rose is healthy, happy and remains up and walking on all four paws. He is better than he was 26 days ago. He is still not quite as healthy as he has been at his best. After a little more than three weeks back on the steroid Prednisone, we are slowly weaning him back off it. He will have a low dosage of Prednisone every other day for the next 30 days and then we will re-evaluate with his vet. Our hope is that he will be able to live without it. The reality of his situation may be that he has to remain on some small dosage for the remainder of his life.

Before this recent set-back, Buddy had been off Prednisone for more than 60 days. After all of the original tests and vet consultations, we believe Buddy has a back injury. A couple of the vets and specialists have suggested he may have two back injuries, one in his neck and the other in his lower back. A week after we removed him from that filthy yard, when he could only crawl around, we were told someone "may" have hit him with a tire iron. In the deepest, darkest recesses of my brain, I cannot imagine someone hitting any dog with a tire iron, much less, using terms such as "may," "might," "could" or "maybe" when stating the possibilities of what this beautiful dog went through at the hands of an abuser. If I saw anyone hit a dog with anything, there would be no "may," "might," "could" or "maybe" to it. I regress, back to Buddy and his walking issues.

Four weeks ago this past Tuesday, we took Mr. Rose for his first "doggie play day" at one of the local kennels. He plays with little dogs all the time, we really wanted to give him the opportunity to play and run with big dogs. Placing no blame, something happened to him that day. Whether he jumped, was jumped on, rolled around or wrestled around. We're pretty sure something happened to him which caused re-injury to his already fragile spine. In hind-sight, we did not realize how fragile his spine really was. The day after he attended his doggie play day, his walking was slow. We attributed this to his being tired from the day before. By the next day, he was much slower and his legs were trembling when he stood for any length of time. The third day we were at the vet and Buddy was back on Prednisone.

We wonder if he will ever be able to run and play with big dogs or if he will continue to re-injure himself and be resigned to always being the "Bullie" in a world full of small dogs. Yesterday, the Colonel tossed Buddy's "ball on a rope" into his little kiddie pool. He gave a big chase and a huge jump, only to splay himself out in the middle of the pool with a massive splash. It was funny to see, but it's incredibly hard to worry about him with every jump, fall or tumble. So, today, like every day after something big, we are once again watching him for any sign of weakness in his legs. He seems fine and fit, but the worrying about him seems to never end.

What if Mr. Rose is a "special needs" dog? I have thought about this a lot. The reality is, like all dogs, he is a "special needs" dog. He has the "special need" to be loved and cared for, the same love and care all of our dogs need and deserve. After all, it's a small price to pay for our special need of getting their unconditional love and loyalty.

Mr. Buddy Rose - American Staffordshire Terrier Part XIX

(Parts I - XVIII of this story are posted below. If you would like to start at Part I, please scroll down. You may need to click "Older Posts" at the bottom of this page. Thank you for reading the story of a remarkable dog, Mr. Buddy Rose.)

Saturday, October 16, 2010
There is simply no doubt about it. We can learn many lessons from our dogs. Some lessons are easier than others. Sometimes our dogs are like sandpaper and rub off our rough edges. Every now and then they teach us something about ourselves we really need to know.

In the business world, perception really is everything. Perceptions made by first impressions can actually make or destroy your career. Because of perception, those wielding power can make or break your career. For most of my life, I have been worried about how others "perceived" me. How do they see my actions? What does it look like from their point of view? One of the downfalls of this way of thinking, especially in business, with perception, you really can fake it until you make it. This is not true with dogs. There is no perception, or faking it until you make it with dogs.

Before Mr. Buddy Rose came into my life, I walked Mollie the Mini-Schnauzer daily. As this little dog pulled me around the neighborhood, I worried about how the neighbors saw me. Mollie is cute. She makes 2-legged and 4-legged friends easily. On a leash, as with most things in her life, she was in control.

After Mr. Buddy Rose finally started walking, I began walking Mollie and Buddy together. In the beginning, Buddy could not walk well, so we walked slowly and had lots of rest stops. Mollie still pulled, but lucky for me she was small enough to control.

As Buddy got stronger, walking the two dogs together was a struggle. It was a physical struggle, but more than this, it was an emotional struggle. What are my neighbors going to think when they see me with these two out of control dogs? It was downright embarrassing to me. There were brief periods when both dogs were angels on leashes. I prayed my neighbors saw me during these times. I did my research. I read all the books, watched all the television shows and endlessly searched the Internet for solutions to my dog-walking issues. I've tried just about every solution I found. It's taken four months for the somewhat dim light bulb in my brain to tell me the problem with walking these dogs is not the dogs, it's me.

It's not about how others see me walking my dogs. It is all about how my dogs see me. And, it's not just when I am walking them, but how they see me all the time. We are the walkers, feeders, pooper scoopers, treaters, scratchers, caressers, playmates, ball-throwers and disciplinarians of our dogs. But, what do they think about us? Are we "pack" members? Are we "pack" leaders? Are we merely humans, here to insure all of their needs and wants are met?

I don't have the answers, but I am committed to allowing these dogs to be the best, happiest dogs they can be. I will no longer worry about what others think about my dog-walking skills. I will be looking to the dogs making sure they are watching me for direction. I've had several really good days of walking both dogs together. This sense of accomplishment is far more satisfying than any business goal I ever achieved.

Mr. Buddy Rose - American Staffordshire Terrier Part XVIII

(Parts I-XVII of Buddy's story are posted below. If you would like to read them in chronological order, start at Part I. You may need to click "Older Posts" at the bottom of this page. Thanks for continuing to follow the story of the remarkable Mr. Buddy Rose.)

Friday, October 8, 2010
Did you see the movie Ground Hog Day? That's sort of how I feel as we are going through many of the same things we experienced in late June and early July.

Mr. Buddy Rose has had a great week. He has started to play again and is sleeping less. Sunday, we will once again lower his dosage of Prednisone to half. He will get a 10mg. dose every other day for a week and then we talk to the vet again. We may need to take him back to the vet and have his reflexes re-checked. Watching Buddy's reflex response test makes me feel bi-polar. We've seen this test so many times. His response can either break my heart or make me extremely happy.

His walking is still improving. He is still having some trouble with his front legs. One of them is worse than the other and seems to turn under when he stands, until he corrects it. This same leg may be causing him to stumble occasionally, although the stumbling seems rare. When Buddy first started walking, from crawling, the pads on all four feet became raw because they hadn't been walked on in so long. Now, he is trying to compensate for whatever is going on with his walking. He has developed two raw spots on the inside of his pads on both front feet. I can only equate it to how our shoe soles wear, based on how we walk. He is walking differently because he is wearing his pads differently. They will toughen up, like they did before, but I really would like to know why his walking has changed. Could pain be causing him to walk differently?

I, once again, being scared to let him lose momentum when he is walking, have allowed him to become a total leash maniac. He is stronger and is again pulling me around all over the neighborhood. He had come so far with his leash training. I really hate that we have lost that ground. Yesterday, I told him to "heel." He must have misunderstood me because he immediately dragged me 15-feet to the closest tree so he could urinate on it. Maybe he won't forget everything he had previously learned. It is time I start taking control of him again. The general public is scared enough of Pit Bulls. They get even more scared when the Pittie is dragging the human walker behind them. If they were already thinking "out of control" Pit Bull, seeing him walk me surely supports their theory!

In a little over a week, Mr. Buddy Rose has 58 "likes" on FaceBook. I am familiar with about 25 of Buddy's fans. Several friends suggested his page to their friends, others have just found him through other venues. Most of his fans are from the United States but he does have fans in Canada, Germany, Great Britain, Italy, Taiwan and Turkey. He is becoming quite the popular guy in his own virtual reality.

He surely is THE popular guy in real-life!

Mr. Buddy Rose the American Staffordshire Terrier Part XVII

(Parts I-XVI of Mr. Buddy Rose's story are posted below. If you would like to read them in chronological order, please scroll down to Part I. You may need to click on "Older Posts" at the bottom of this page. Thanks for reading the story of a remarkable dog, Mr. Buddy Rose.)

Saturday, October 2, 2010
(For all of you who have been following Mr. Rose's story, he now has his own page on FaceBook. Search "Mr. Buddy Rose - American Staffordshire Terrier" to find him. "Like" his page and you will be able to follow him on FaceBook, leave messages or comments for him, post pictures of your own four-legged - or two-legged - friends and see updated pictures and videos of him and his friends. Thanks for continuing to follow the story of Mr. Buddy Rose. If he could meet each of you in person, he would happily give each of you big, wet kisses. He's quite the lovable, goofy guy!)

Mr. Rose continues to show small improvements on a daily basis. Yesterday, we took a much longer morning walk. He had to lie down to rest many times, but I let him go at his own pace and rest when he wanted. This morning, Buddy & I walked to the park. He walked the half-mile there without stopping to rest. I watched a little soccer while he rested. We would walk around the park and rest for a bit, then walk a little more. For the first time in three or four days, I actually believe he was ready to come home instead of wanting to lie in the grass and roll everywhere on the way home.

Because of the Prednisone, he drinks a lot more water and has to urinate a lot more frequently. He is very well housebroken and can hold it for a very long time, but the problem is when he has to stand or squat outside for several minutes to urinate. His legs can tremble badly when he has to stand in the same position for more than a minute or so. A couple of times I have thought he might fall, but he has not. He has stumbled. So, as of yesterday, he gets to go outside on his leash every couple of hours, so he doesn't have to stand or squat in one place for so long. Giving him the opportunity to urinate more frequently has stopped the trembling.

He has improved, albeit a lot slower than I would like to see. Today we lowered his dosage of Prednisone by half. We had a lengthy discussion with his Vet yesterday about his condition, improvements, shakiness, pain, etc. As I've mentioned before, I don't really like having him on Prednisone. I believe he has all of the ill side effects of the drug: panting, periods of hyperactivity, glassy eyes, increased water intake hence more frequent urination, gas and much softer stools and an insatiable appetite. I also know that right now he has to have this drug to keep him on all four paws. Without it, I really do believe he would be back to crawling again, which would be much more heartbreaking than all of the added ill side-effects of the steroid.

There is no polite way to say how gassy he is. It's not his fault. It's the Prednisone. He wasn't like this when he was not taking it and I guess we forgot just how BAD it really is. He is also taking 20mg. of Famotadine twice a day, but this doesn't seem to touch his flatulence. You rarely hear him but you cannot miss that wonderful smell! Most times, he has no idea what is going on. Sometimes he's pretty funny. Yesterday, he was scratching around on his pillow trying to get it in that perfect position, when he tooted. He must have heard it or felt it or something. Maybe it scared him. Immediately he stopped scratching his pillow and stood perfectly still. Then he turned and looked at me. The look on his face was priceless. The camera should have been ready at that moment. Who knows what he was thinking, but my idea of the look he gave me was, "Mom, what the heck was that?" He gave us a good laugh, well, at least until that special aroma perfumed the room.

What do dogs think? If you visit Mr. Rose's page on FaceBook, you will see the page is set up from the perspective of none other than Mr. Rose himself. I am very, very aware of the detriments of "humanizing" our dogs. And although he is a really smart dog, Buddy can't speak English or type on a keyboard. He does have a lot of friends. People around the world follow him and care about him. I visited several single dog FaceBook and web pages and decided I really liked the ones from the perspective of the dog. Many of the rescued Michael Vick dogs actually blog and converse with each other. I liked it and decided to do Buddy's page the same way. It's just another way for people to keep up with him and for dog lovers to share their stories. That's all.

He's walking better and once again getting stronger. As we start reducing the Prednisone, we'll be watching for any small sign of digression or improvement. It would appear that Mr. Rose is once again on his way to a healthy, happy life.

Mr. Buddy Rose the American Staffordshire Terrier Part XVI

(Parts I-XV of Mr. Buddy Rose's story are posted below. If you would like to read them in chronological order, please scroll down to Part I. You may need to click "Older Posts" at the bottom of this page. Thanks for reading the remarkable story of Mr. Buddy Rose.)

Monday, September 27, 2010
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, good, healing energy and prayers for Mr. Rose. Because we really don't know what is happening with him right now, I will try to do a more timely job of keeping his story updated.

Yesterday, Mr. Rose's walking abilities may have improved slightly. On Saturday, if anything, he continued to lose ground. We are hoping his condition is now stabilizing and he will start to improve. He may be a little better. Yesterday, he didn't lie down to urinate, he squatted. This morning, although pretty shaky, he lifted his leg a couple of times. Yesterday, about half-way through his breakfast, he laid down and continued to eat. Today, we elevated his bowl he stood to eat his entire breakfast. One of the side effects of the Prednisone, he's hungry and has no trouble finishing his meals (and any of Mollie's leftovers, too). He is eating well and drinking lots of water and all of his "plumbing" is working. Even though some of these details may not be the "nicest" things to write about, we are once again watching the little details in him very closely so we can know if he is improving or getting worse.

Two things still motivate him: food and cats. Yesterday morning, before I took him out to potty, I put several treats in my pocket. I figured if he laid down in the street, I could use the treats to get him back up. I know he is not one to lay down on his walks. I am also learning that even though he is struggling to walk, he doesn't like the fact that he is not getting to walk his long morning walks to the park. Part of me believes he is lying down during our potty walks because he needs to rest. Another part of me knows he is only lying down when we have made the turn to come back to our house instead of going to the park. (Can you say stubborn?)

Yesterday morning as we walked, I made the turn to come home instead of turning the other way to the park. Dear Mr. Rose laid down, right there, on the sidewalk. I waited a couple of minutes then I took a treat out of my pocket, waved it in front of his nose, moved away from him, held the treat out and told him to come and get it. He immediately got up, came to the treat, ate the treat and laid back down on the sidewalk. We did this little dance for a block and a half and were still a block and a half from home. I knew I didn't have enough treats to get him home. But then, a miracle of miracles happened. Mr. Rose saw a cat down the street near our house. He ran, not full speed and not completely steady, but a good pace, all the way to our front yard. RAN! Then he laid down again, this time in the grass in our yard. When Buddy was crawling, he was pretty talented at crawling fast to chase cats. Even with his struggling walk, he can still run to chase cats.

Even though he ran after a cat yesterday, we are doing the best we can to limit his activity, at least until we see some marked improvement in his walking. I am not talented enough to keep him from running if he wants to chase a cat. And, because there is the possibility of a spinal injury in his neck, I am doing my best not to let him pull. I had little choice but to run with him and try to calm him down as we ran. Since we don't have a back-yard, I have to walk him on a leash so he can potty.

Both the Colonel and I are questioning whether Mr. Rose is in pain. We have come to our own consensus that whatever is going on with him must be painful. The vet said he didn't react like he was in pain but he has said this before when Buddy had a prostrate infection and we KNEW he was in pain. (This happened in an earlier part of Buddy's story. Buddy was bleeding from his penis. Vet said he didn't act like he was in pain. I asked the vet if he were bleeding from there, would he be in pain. The vet then refilled Buddy's pain medication for the prostate infection.) If he is in pain now, he is not showing it. He doesn't want to play much, or walk around much, and he is sleeping a lot. He does not yelp or vocalize any kind of pain. From his crawling, prostate infections or neutering surgery, he never has shown he was in pain.

One of the vet assistant's called early this morning to check on Buddy and see how he was doing. The main question was, "Is he still walking?"

Yes, he is absolutely still walking! The past few days have been very scary for us. He is still walking. I don't really have words to tell you just how happy this makes me.

Mr. Buddy Rose The American Staffordshire Terrier Part XV

(Parts I-XIV of Mr. Buddy Rose's story are posted below. If you would like to read them in chronological order, please scroll down. You may need to click "Older Posts" at the bottom of this page to get to Part I.)

Saturday, September 25, 2010
Mr. Buddy Rose has had a set-back.

On Wednesday, while walking Buddy and Mollie at the park, you'd have thought I had the best-behaved dog on a leash. (This would be Mr. Buddy Rose, not Miss Mollie Pollie!) I should have known that Buddy trailing a few steps behind me was not a normal position for him, but he has gotten so much better on a leash, I guess I just thought he was really getting the whole leash thing and maybe he was still a little tired from his "doggie play day" the day before. I was praising him and patting myself on the back for doing such a good job leash-training him.

On Thursday, Mollie, Buddy & I walked to the park. Soon after they had finished all of their toileting business, I made them both heel and walk on each side of me. That's when I noticed, what I thought was Buddy limping. His head was down, his back slumping and although he was moving forward, he seemed to struggle more with each step. From my cell phone, I called the Colonel to come to the park to watch Buddy walk and to "rescue" us so we wouldn't have to walk the half-mile back home. The Colonel watched Buddy walk at the park and agreed something was wrong. Maybe not a limp but something was going on. We loaded Buddy in his kennel and Mollie in the back seat and brought them both home.

Maybe he pulled or strained a muscle at doggie play day? Maybe he's just not feeling well today? Maybe, whatever was wrong with him when we got him was recurring? We watched him and every move he made. We didn't have a lot to watch. He slept almost all day on Thursday. Thursday afternoon, I took him on a short walk down the street, just long enough for him to do all of "his business." Although he seemed to start strong, within a block, he was struggling.

Friday morning, we did everything just as we do every morning, right down to getting ready to take him and Mollie for their walk to the park. The Colonel and I had already decided that I would take each dog separately. Mollie would stay home first and I would take Buddy and evaluate how far he could go. Again, he started strong, but within a block from the house he was struggling. After two blocks, I knew we didn't need to go any further. As I turned a corner to start back to the house, I wondered if I would be carrying Buddy home, or if I would be calling the Colonel to rescue us again. We were about a block and a half from our house when Buddy stopped, then sat, then laid down in the middle of the street.

As I approached him, he rolled over on his side and laid his head down in the street. I rubbed his head and his body and waited. Soon, I was able to coax him back up to his feet and get him to move toward the house. It took us a little while to get there, as he laid down in the street another couple of times on our walk home.

A healthy Mr. Buddy Rose doesn't lay down in the street. He has been known to take a roll in the grass on our walks, but this lying down in the middle of the street was really out of character for him since he has been healthy. When he first started walking, he had to rest often. But since he has been walking a lot, resting during his walks has not really been on his agenda.

The Colonel called the vet's office and asked if he could see Mr. Rose. Of course, they had to call us back. I took Mollie to the park for her walk. Returning from the park, Mollie and I were standing in the yard talking to a neighbor when my cell phone rang. The Colonel wanted to know where I was because we could see the vet with Buddy if we could leave right then.

I wanted the vet to check Buddy's reflexes. Although we both knew his recent struggles to walk weren't our imagination, we are also all too aware of what we have been through with Buddy and maybe a little to quick to notice a limp or something going on with his walking. When Buddy's reflexes were checked in May - when he couldn't walk and only crawled - he had NO reflex response in any of his four legs. His last two reflex tests-the most recent was the last week of August-he had completely NORMAL reflex response in all four legs. We really don't know what is wrong with Mr. Rose, but reflex response is at least something we can use as a gauge.

The vet gave Buddy another thorough check-up. His temp, heart and breathing were all normal. Teeth and gums looked okay. No vomiting or diarrhea. Neutering incision has healed. Head and eye reflex response was normal. While Buddy was standing, he turned Buddy's feet under, to see if Buddy would automatically correct the awkward position, a test we have seen Buddy pass before. He was a little slow with one of his front legs.

We watched as, with Buddy lying on his side, the vet started tapping his legs looking for his reflex response. We have watched the reflex response tests with Buddy so many times. We have seen no response. We have seen normal response. We have seen the vet struggle to find any response. We have seen the vet (and the reflex response) immediately. I swallowed hard as I rubbed Buddy's head and watched the vet struggle to find the reflex response. He would try again. I would see some response in Buddy's leg or foot. Then he would try again and there would be no response. The bottom line is he has lost some reflex response in all four of his legs.

The vet said we would "start medically managing his condition." I should have asked the vet, what he thought we have been doing for the past 4 months, but I didn't. Buddy has been off steroids for about 45 days. Yesterday, the vet put him back on 10mg of Prednisone taken twice daily, for 20mg a day. Buddy is also taking Pepcid at 20mg twice a day to help his stomach with the Prednisone. He'll take the Prednisone for at least a month, with decreasing dosages every seven days. He may be on some kind of maintenance dose for the rest of his life. We don't know about that yet. As long as he is the same or improving, we will consult with his vet on a weekly basis. If his condition deteriorates, we will call the vet as soon as possible.

I really struggled with this whole putting him back on Prednisone but I am scared to death he will lose his ability to walk without the help of this drug. Prednisone has a lot of side effects, not the least of which is a developed dependency. He is a little different dog when he on Prednisone. He is not a hyperactive dog, but Prednisone tends to hype him up. He pants A LOT. He drinks a lot more water, meaning he has to urinate a lot more. We're hoping the Pepcid will alleviate his stomach issues of gas and diarrhea that the Prednisone previously caused. There's also a small risk of "roid rage" in dogs on steroids for an extended period of time. And, let's face it...I simply don't like having to keep him on any drugs. Right now, I know he needs this one badly.

Today, Saturday, his walking is worse than it was yesterday. He shook-you know like dogs shake,the whole start at the head and shake, shake, shake all the way through to the tail shake - and one of his front legs collapsed and he fell. I haven't seen any of the "hyper" effects of the Prednisone yet. (He's only had two doses.) He seems to sleep most of the time. We are not going for our walks but I am taking him outside on his leash 5 or 6 times a day because he still needs to potty. He loves being outside, so according to how the next few days go, I may start sitting outside with him for a couple of hours at a time. This afternoon, he laid down on the ground to urinate, his white-pointed tail flagging straight up. This was a familiar trait from when he was crawling around the yard. I know he isn't improving yet, but I am praying his condition at least stabilizes by tomorrow.

I'm trying to be as positive as I can be but it's very hard. It's so incredibly hard to watch this big, beautiful dog - the same one who has surpassed every dream I had for him - lie down in the middle of the road because he can't go on. It's hard to watch him once again lie down to eat his food or treats or drink water. It hurts to watch him lie down to urinate with his tail flagging straight up. It's devastating to think he is hurting again and we have and are doing all we can do and it may not be enough. I feel so bad for the big, handsome guy. I wonder if he remembers crawling? He became quite good at it, but he has been much happier since he is walking everywhere.